How to cook a very good dinner

Wherein pay attention and don't spill hot grease on the back of your hand. Blisters = pain

1. Get a bigass ribeye. Already you're ahead of the game. You'll have to work extra hard to screw this up. Liberally salt and pepper -- yep, spread the salt like taxes stolen from working class Americans [note to self: later, when it isn't 5am, come up with an equally lame crack about conservatively salting food) -- and sit at room temperature for 30 minutes.
   
2. Heat a pan to medium high heat. Place the pan on the stove, turn it on and do other stuff for 10 minutes or so.
   
3. Melt some of that bacon grease you've been saving since you last cooked up bacon. Hell, I'll cook bacon just to get more grease. We're cookin meat here people, none of that namby pamby vegetable oil crap. oil
   
4. Gently place the ribeye in the lovely oil grease God's lubricant pig fat. There should be lots of sizzling and steam. If there isn't, you screwed up step 2. Throw everything away and start over.
   
5. Wait 3 minutes, don't even think about touching it or moving the pan, then flip it and wait another three minutes.
   
6. Move to plate and add to pan a handful of onions and a handful of mushrooms you sliced up earlier. Stir for 3-5 minutes, until starting to brown.
   
7. Pour in a healthy dose of Marsala wine. Half a cup, maybe a quarter... I wasn't paying too much attention. Deglaze the pan and reduce by at least half. Keep it a little thicker than nappe.
   
8. Take off heat and whisk in a couple tablespoons of butter.
   
9. Pour everything over the steak and commence eating.